After emptying my children’s backpacks, weighing approximately 352lb.s a piece, I add the fresh pile of school papers to the tower now falling off of the kitchen cabinet.  I would move them to my “office space” except for the fact that I am relatively certain that the bottom most papers are adhered to the counter with an unknown substance with the holding capacity far exceeding the current version of super glue.

Teachers, I ask you most sincerely and with the utmost respect for what you do for and with my children and 23 additional wiggling unruly children every day, I ask you this, “Do I REALLY have to read through all these papers?”  Are you sending these to me for informational purposes or to ensure that I suffer a small piece of the pain you go through each day with parent’s excuses, education board forms and county policy reports.  I feel for you!  I do!  I love each and every one of you dearly for what you do each day, but please, please!  After a day of work, fixing dinner, throwing a load of laundry into the washing machine and cleaning up cat vomit, I simply do not posses the mental capacity to screen through the relevant and irrelevant papers.

On the off chance that they are ALL relevant, I am truly doomed!

I can not in good conscious badger my neighbors for another fund raiser, no matter how cool the glowey plastic spinney radio my child will win may be.  I am not going to try out for the assistant teacher’s exam, no matter how many times you send me the form, because, quite simply, I find a class full of small people terrifying!  You are brave and heroic for what you do, just please, put it on a yellow or pink or blue half sheet if I REALLY need to look over it.  Otherwise, it may just become stuck to the counter along with the rest until next fall.

Sincerely,

The Bewildered Mom